So, friends, it's official. I made the switch. Since I'm moving forward with photography, I felt the name of my blog needed to match up with my website. So, if you would be so gracious, please head on over to:
www.amypphotos.blogspot.com
And if you'd ever like to check out my website, feel free to go to:
www.amypphotos.showitsite.com
I hope you'll join me over there! You have no idea how much I appreciate you taking time out of your day to check out my stories and the stories of others!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I have been away for awhile
I know I have been away for awhile...
But it is all because some new things are brewing
A new blog address
A new website
and new stories from my life and the lives of other awesome people
Heck, I even have a new email
Stay tuned for the complete rollout
Here is a taste of whats to come...
But it is all because some new things are brewing
A new blog address
A new website
and new stories from my life and the lives of other awesome people
Heck, I even have a new email
Stay tuned for the complete rollout
Here is a taste of whats to come...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
There's a lot to come...
So many stories, so little time. This has been a full few weeks of adorable children, beautiful couples and so much more. I don't have time to post much because I am shooting my amazing friend's wedding in Louisville this weekend, but here's a taste of what's to come. Soon. I swear.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I'm a Mess
Today I doubt everything. Today I am a mess. Today I want to run and hide.
I am overwhelmed. I am inadequate. I feel alone. I feel judged. I feel stupid. And I feel like running from it all.
But today, I feel that gentle whisper that’s glued to my soul. The deep places of my heart quietly remind me. He loves me. And He is here. And He will carry me when I need it. And He will wipe my tears when I find that taking one more step seems too scary for me. And He said that He goes before me and beside me. And even when everything within me screams failure and impossible and whatever other hopeless words come to mind, He screams beloved, cherished, possible and faithful.
So, with that in mind, I put before you some pictures of two constant reminders of that love in my life. (And I need to put a picture up of the third soon, that amazing husband of mine…) Because when I look at them and my heart gushes like Niagra Falls in the middle of a downpour and I realize that in my imperfection I cherish them this much…I guess He does love me like He says He does. I think He really means it.
I am overwhelmed. I am inadequate. I feel alone. I feel judged. I feel stupid. And I feel like running from it all.
But today, I feel that gentle whisper that’s glued to my soul. The deep places of my heart quietly remind me. He loves me. And He is here. And He will carry me when I need it. And He will wipe my tears when I find that taking one more step seems too scary for me. And He said that He goes before me and beside me. And even when everything within me screams failure and impossible and whatever other hopeless words come to mind, He screams beloved, cherished, possible and faithful.
So, with that in mind, I put before you some pictures of two constant reminders of that love in my life. (And I need to put a picture up of the third soon, that amazing husband of mine…) Because when I look at them and my heart gushes like Niagra Falls in the middle of a downpour and I realize that in my imperfection I cherish them this much…I guess He does love me like He says He does. I think He really means it.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I Heart Faces - Week 37
Life is full of giggles for her. Running, singing and random acts of dancing define her. She is passionate, excited and typically unbridled. That's why I find this picture so compelling. I caught her.
This week I Heart Faces is having a completely candid competition. For lots of other great photos, head on over here and check them out:
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this photo as much as I do...
This week I Heart Faces is having a completely candid competition. For lots of other great photos, head on over here and check them out:
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this photo as much as I do...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Nicole and Cam
"Amy, I just wanted to call and let you know, I found out I'm pregnant. And it's a boy." She actually found out all that information in one day. When Nicole went to the doctor to find out why she was feeling sick, she received a completely unexpected diagnosis. That was the day she found out she was 6 months pregnant and in a few weeks, an adorable little man would be making his way into her home.
I would have died. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. Quite honestly - I cried. (For clarification, I have since learned that Hannah was one of the greatest things that ever could have happened to me) And I found out at the beginning. I had those nine-seems-like-eternity/excruciatingly long months to prepare. And pray. And be overwhelmed. Nicole on the other hand, embraced the quick turn of events in a beautiful (and highly organized - no wonder she helps coordinate weddings...) way. With the help of her amazing mother and friends, she prepared herself to welcome one of the most adorable little men I've ever laid eyes on. Nicole is beautiful, brave, patient and so many other things I would like to be.
She gave me a precious opportunity to spend a little part of the morning together with them. Though he had some hard moments I was overwhelmed with emotion as I watched Nicole patiently wrap him up in heaps of love. Enjoy precious little Cam. His photos bring tears to my eyes. And Nicole, thank you so much for letting me spend time with you guys. Watching you two interact reminded me of how thankful I should be for every moment.
(Side note - for any horizontal photos, just click on the photo to see the whole thing. In my lack of technological prowess, I have not yet been able to widen my blog so that these fit.)
I would have died. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. Quite honestly - I cried. (For clarification, I have since learned that Hannah was one of the greatest things that ever could have happened to me) And I found out at the beginning. I had those nine-seems-like-eternity/excruciatingly long months to prepare. And pray. And be overwhelmed. Nicole on the other hand, embraced the quick turn of events in a beautiful (and highly organized - no wonder she helps coordinate weddings...) way. With the help of her amazing mother and friends, she prepared herself to welcome one of the most adorable little men I've ever laid eyes on. Nicole is beautiful, brave, patient and so many other things I would like to be.
She gave me a precious opportunity to spend a little part of the morning together with them. Though he had some hard moments I was overwhelmed with emotion as I watched Nicole patiently wrap him up in heaps of love. Enjoy precious little Cam. His photos bring tears to my eyes. And Nicole, thank you so much for letting me spend time with you guys. Watching you two interact reminded me of how thankful I should be for every moment.
(Side note - for any horizontal photos, just click on the photo to see the whole thing. In my lack of technological prowess, I have not yet been able to widen my blog so that these fit.)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Recipe for Greatness
1. Find the most adorable little lady you possibly can. (I'm in luck - I live with her on a daily basis.)
2. Whisk her off to a surprise filled day.
3. Have her get her nails done. (Working at a spa does make this easier)
4. Go to the city. Soak in every moment...AKA don't answer your cell phone or even check it
5. Explore.
6. Make up songs.
7. Snuggle at dinner.
8. Get ice cream. Totally get ice cream.
9. Go to the beach and prepare to get wet and sandy. Running full force into the water is a must - hand in hand.
10. Whenever possible - repeat. (As a side note, there will probably be a large-esque cleaning task ahead of you after your sand-filled friend enters the car. But alas, you'll smile every time you find grains of sand in your car - I promise)
2. Whisk her off to a surprise filled day.
3. Have her get her nails done. (Working at a spa does make this easier)
4. Go to the city. Soak in every moment...AKA don't answer your cell phone or even check it
5. Explore.
6. Make up songs.
7. Snuggle at dinner.
8. Get ice cream. Totally get ice cream.
9. Go to the beach and prepare to get wet and sandy. Running full force into the water is a must - hand in hand.
10. Whenever possible - repeat. (As a side note, there will probably be a large-esque cleaning task ahead of you after your sand-filled friend enters the car. But alas, you'll smile every time you find grains of sand in your car - I promise)
Monday, September 7, 2009
Part 2
I took more and more photos and harassed some of my friends into being models for me so I could practice. And I started asking God for a new camera because I was finding that I was at a point where my camera was holding me back from where I wanted to go.
Enter my parents. The people who would bend over backwards to help anyone – yeah, that’s them. Honestly, they probably thought I was nuts. But they listened to my excitement and joy over photography and entertained my dreams of becoming a wedding and family photographer. At least they probably enjoyed the extra pictures of the grandkids… But what they were about to do, I could not have been prepared for.
Before I continue, there’s something you must know. My parents have never had much. My dad was raised in a family and a time period when getting a piece of fruit for Christmas was considered an amazing luxury. My parents have as a married couple have served within the church for years where they have often given their lives and time away for very little monetary compensation. (Though they would tell you that the people have been worth every minute…or at least most of them…hee hee) So I grew up in a family that didn’t have much. We weren’t lacking anything, but we lived a little more simply. Add to this that the past 5 years have been a little difficult for them to say the least. They were caught in the middle of a very difficult church situation and they needed to leave. They put their house on sale at that point. And they waited for God. And waited. And waited. And they’re still waiting.
[Side note: They are not JUST waiting. I could tell you beautiful stories of what they’ve been up to]
As you can imagine, their income is less than what it had been…and the original wasn’t that much. The stock market has….done it’s thing, for lack of a better phrase. So needless to say, you would not see money growing on their trees.
Now back to my story…I call my parents almost everyday. It started because I wanted to check on them. These precious people had been through a lot. And I just wanted to be a loud voice in their lives letting them know that we loved them, we KNEW they were following God, to be a sounding board for all they wanted to process and to flood them with reminders that we were in it with them.
And then it turned. They helped carry me through very lonely times in life. We became even closer than we had ever been. They inspired me by how they handled the difficult things they were dealt. I got to see what a changed, awesome man my dad had become. My mom had become one of my closest friends and we got to talk about God in this awesome way. So…I still call them almost every day because they’re great. (And they put up with my random stories, my crazy ideas and everything else)
One day I was talking to my mom at work. I told her about how I wanted a new camera, but there was no way we could afford it and I’d just have to wait. And it wasn’t one of those – I’m trying to hint here kind of moments. I just tell her most everything. She asked how much one would cost and I told her. No big deal. I let her get back to work and went about my day of tickling adorable baby bellies and dancing the robot with my 3 year old. (Ya know, normal run of the mill stuff…)
A few days later she picked up the phone and asked me for my bank account number. I was thoroughly confused and asked why. She informed me that they were giving me a new camera.
Oh no she didn’t…. I told her no way. It wasn’t gonna happen. My precious, loving mother then said, “Amy, we’re doing this. For weeks now, I had felt like God wanted us to give you $1000. Then when we were talking about I asked you how much a new camera would cost you – you said $1000. And I said, ‘Okay, God, I get the point.’”
I hung up the phone. I had no words. And I walked around constantly feeling the need to pinch myself. God overwhelmed me. And some of the most precious people in my life were a part of it. Even when I don’t have some established business. And even when they could use the money for themselves. I’m overwhelmed by their love. And by God’s. And at this moment, that is all I can say. Because more words would clutter the beauty.
Enter my parents. The people who would bend over backwards to help anyone – yeah, that’s them. Honestly, they probably thought I was nuts. But they listened to my excitement and joy over photography and entertained my dreams of becoming a wedding and family photographer. At least they probably enjoyed the extra pictures of the grandkids… But what they were about to do, I could not have been prepared for.
Before I continue, there’s something you must know. My parents have never had much. My dad was raised in a family and a time period when getting a piece of fruit for Christmas was considered an amazing luxury. My parents have as a married couple have served within the church for years where they have often given their lives and time away for very little monetary compensation. (Though they would tell you that the people have been worth every minute…or at least most of them…hee hee) So I grew up in a family that didn’t have much. We weren’t lacking anything, but we lived a little more simply. Add to this that the past 5 years have been a little difficult for them to say the least. They were caught in the middle of a very difficult church situation and they needed to leave. They put their house on sale at that point. And they waited for God. And waited. And waited. And they’re still waiting.
[Side note: They are not JUST waiting. I could tell you beautiful stories of what they’ve been up to]
As you can imagine, their income is less than what it had been…and the original wasn’t that much. The stock market has….done it’s thing, for lack of a better phrase. So needless to say, you would not see money growing on their trees.
Now back to my story…I call my parents almost everyday. It started because I wanted to check on them. These precious people had been through a lot. And I just wanted to be a loud voice in their lives letting them know that we loved them, we KNEW they were following God, to be a sounding board for all they wanted to process and to flood them with reminders that we were in it with them.
And then it turned. They helped carry me through very lonely times in life. We became even closer than we had ever been. They inspired me by how they handled the difficult things they were dealt. I got to see what a changed, awesome man my dad had become. My mom had become one of my closest friends and we got to talk about God in this awesome way. So…I still call them almost every day because they’re great. (And they put up with my random stories, my crazy ideas and everything else)
One day I was talking to my mom at work. I told her about how I wanted a new camera, but there was no way we could afford it and I’d just have to wait. And it wasn’t one of those – I’m trying to hint here kind of moments. I just tell her most everything. She asked how much one would cost and I told her. No big deal. I let her get back to work and went about my day of tickling adorable baby bellies and dancing the robot with my 3 year old. (Ya know, normal run of the mill stuff…)
A few days later she picked up the phone and asked me for my bank account number. I was thoroughly confused and asked why. She informed me that they were giving me a new camera.
Oh no she didn’t…. I told her no way. It wasn’t gonna happen. My precious, loving mother then said, “Amy, we’re doing this. For weeks now, I had felt like God wanted us to give you $1000. Then when we were talking about I asked you how much a new camera would cost you – you said $1000. And I said, ‘Okay, God, I get the point.’”
I hung up the phone. I had no words. And I walked around constantly feeling the need to pinch myself. God overwhelmed me. And some of the most precious people in my life were a part of it. Even when I don’t have some established business. And even when they could use the money for themselves. I’m overwhelmed by their love. And by God’s. And at this moment, that is all I can say. Because more words would clutter the beauty.
Part 1 (Parte Uno)
I haven’t written about it. Why? Probably because I don’t think words can do the grandiose nature justice. Or maybe because it makes me cry. Or maybe because telling the story leaves me vulnerable and somewhat exposed. But you know what – it’s time to go THERE…
When Hannah was born, we didn’t have enough money to take her to have pictures made. So…I decided I’d just have to learn how to take good pictures. I sat down in Borders and read a book about how to take pictures hoping that I could capture the beauty of this little lady before me. And I fell in love. (even though I still have some highly awkward photos of her from when I was still in the throes of learning the basics)
My gracious in-laws surprised me with a great digital camera. At that time I overwhelmed our hard-drive (and my poor child) with photos of our lives. I started to get better. And I started to love photography more and more.
Secretly, I longed for a DSLR camera. But I made fun of myself and thought I was looking to one more possession to make me happy when it wouldn’t. (Yep, I went for a Christian guilt-trip) So I stuffed it. And realized there was no reason for me to have that nice of a camera when I was just taking pics of our family.
But I wanted to learn. I even looked into jobs at photography studios because I wanted so desperately to learn and to capture the beauty of the moments around me. But I kept it all a secret. Besides – we could NEVER afford it at that time.
Then we had Jayden. Yet another ridiculously gorgeous child was sitting in front of me on a daily basis begging for his beautiful mug to be captured and remembered forever. And so I kept taking pictures and researching how to get better.
Cue my amazing husband. Yep – the guy that believes in me when he has no reason to. The guy that watches and somehow finds the most unexpected and inspiring gift he could possibly give you – even if the cost is beyond what you could afford. For my birthday, I was greeted by a large-esque purple Dora-the-Explorer gift bag (hand-picked by my little lady) that contained a DSLR camera. And then cue my tears. And devotion. I started photographing like it was going out of style. I took so many pictures that I single-handedly caused iPhoto to raise a flag of surrender.
On the fourth of July, I sat nestled under my cream-colored, snuggly, plush blanket with my journal of early-morning conversations with God sprawled in front of me complete with my soy chai in hand. And at that moment I knew – I want to be a wedding and family photographer.
I giggled…like a giddy, slap-happy three year old girl. (And I know this is a fitting description because I live with one of these) And then I laughed out loud. Because seriously – how on earth was that supposed to happen? And how was I ever going to get the camera that I needed? I mean, we had been living paycheck to paycheck until this year when Ted changed jobs and we had finally gotten out of debt.
But deep within my soul I knew. And I loved it. I would have the chance to capture memories and stories in such a vivid way? I was in awe that God would let me do something so beautiful, so sacred. And so I made it my mission to learn everything I possibly could. And to enjoy the ride.
Here's a pic of an adorable little man. There will be more to come soon. But his facial expressions make me far too happy and I thought I'd throw it in...
When Hannah was born, we didn’t have enough money to take her to have pictures made. So…I decided I’d just have to learn how to take good pictures. I sat down in Borders and read a book about how to take pictures hoping that I could capture the beauty of this little lady before me. And I fell in love. (even though I still have some highly awkward photos of her from when I was still in the throes of learning the basics)
My gracious in-laws surprised me with a great digital camera. At that time I overwhelmed our hard-drive (and my poor child) with photos of our lives. I started to get better. And I started to love photography more and more.
Secretly, I longed for a DSLR camera. But I made fun of myself and thought I was looking to one more possession to make me happy when it wouldn’t. (Yep, I went for a Christian guilt-trip) So I stuffed it. And realized there was no reason for me to have that nice of a camera when I was just taking pics of our family.
But I wanted to learn. I even looked into jobs at photography studios because I wanted so desperately to learn and to capture the beauty of the moments around me. But I kept it all a secret. Besides – we could NEVER afford it at that time.
Then we had Jayden. Yet another ridiculously gorgeous child was sitting in front of me on a daily basis begging for his beautiful mug to be captured and remembered forever. And so I kept taking pictures and researching how to get better.
Cue my amazing husband. Yep – the guy that believes in me when he has no reason to. The guy that watches and somehow finds the most unexpected and inspiring gift he could possibly give you – even if the cost is beyond what you could afford. For my birthday, I was greeted by a large-esque purple Dora-the-Explorer gift bag (hand-picked by my little lady) that contained a DSLR camera. And then cue my tears. And devotion. I started photographing like it was going out of style. I took so many pictures that I single-handedly caused iPhoto to raise a flag of surrender.
On the fourth of July, I sat nestled under my cream-colored, snuggly, plush blanket with my journal of early-morning conversations with God sprawled in front of me complete with my soy chai in hand. And at that moment I knew – I want to be a wedding and family photographer.
I giggled…like a giddy, slap-happy three year old girl. (And I know this is a fitting description because I live with one of these) And then I laughed out loud. Because seriously – how on earth was that supposed to happen? And how was I ever going to get the camera that I needed? I mean, we had been living paycheck to paycheck until this year when Ted changed jobs and we had finally gotten out of debt.
But deep within my soul I knew. And I loved it. I would have the chance to capture memories and stories in such a vivid way? I was in awe that God would let me do something so beautiful, so sacred. And so I made it my mission to learn everything I possibly could. And to enjoy the ride.
Here's a pic of an adorable little man. There will be more to come soon. But his facial expressions make me far too happy and I thought I'd throw it in...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Oh Theo
Late night conversations with him are the best. My eyes may be heavy and my body worn out, but I will still force myself to stay awake to listen to his hilarious commentary on life. (Complete with so much laughter, you'd think we were two years old.) And I NEVER regret staying awake... even when the Starbucks drive-thru whispers sweet little nothings to my car and all but forces my vehicle to come for a caffeine-laden pick-me-up. Why? Because he's worth it and I love him.
I love laughing at his ridiculously funny comments. I love staring into his chocolatey brown eyes. And I love that no matter what happens and no matter the imperfections we both bring to the table - I get to have him. I want him in my life everyday...forever. I love the silly songs that he creates when he's really tired. I love the way he decorates children's books with Russian, Scottish and British accents to name a few. (he also has a pretty decent Southern accent he throws in when he knows I'm listening. But to be honest - I almost always listen when he reads to the kids because I find myself unable to do anything else since I'm filled with anticipation of what voice/accent combination he'll bust out next) I love the way he believes in me when I'm given him every reason not to. I love the humility with which he approaches life. I love his laugh, even though when I first heard it, I swore I would never date him. I love that he checks out Mental Floss blog on a daily basis and thinks it's hilarious. I love how he sees the world and how he can dissect issues in such profound ways. I love his brilliance and that so many people don't know about it because he holds it so lightly. I love that just the other day, he worked the word "whippersnapper" into a song for the kids like it's totally normal.
I could keep going. But I have children that will wake up soon and commence giggles and the building of Lego monstrosities. In my heart though, I will keep going. Because he's worth it, and it's good for me to remember.
And finally, because pictures make everything better, here is the first picture I took with my new camera. (Just testing out lenses in the store) More about that soon. But let's say I'm quite stoked.
And so that Jayden can represent...
I love laughing at his ridiculously funny comments. I love staring into his chocolatey brown eyes. And I love that no matter what happens and no matter the imperfections we both bring to the table - I get to have him. I want him in my life everyday...forever. I love the silly songs that he creates when he's really tired. I love the way he decorates children's books with Russian, Scottish and British accents to name a few. (he also has a pretty decent Southern accent he throws in when he knows I'm listening. But to be honest - I almost always listen when he reads to the kids because I find myself unable to do anything else since I'm filled with anticipation of what voice/accent combination he'll bust out next) I love the way he believes in me when I'm given him every reason not to. I love the humility with which he approaches life. I love his laugh, even though when I first heard it, I swore I would never date him. I love that he checks out Mental Floss blog on a daily basis and thinks it's hilarious. I love how he sees the world and how he can dissect issues in such profound ways. I love his brilliance and that so many people don't know about it because he holds it so lightly. I love that just the other day, he worked the word "whippersnapper" into a song for the kids like it's totally normal.
I could keep going. But I have children that will wake up soon and commence giggles and the building of Lego monstrosities. In my heart though, I will keep going. Because he's worth it, and it's good for me to remember.
And finally, because pictures make everything better, here is the first picture I took with my new camera. (Just testing out lenses in the store) More about that soon. But let's say I'm quite stoked.
And so that Jayden can represent...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I'm still here...
I managed to drop off the face of the earth. Again. It's an incredible talent that I possess.
So much has been going on I haven't felt like I've had words to put around it. And due to my perfectionist tendencies, I haven't posted anything because it couldn't describe what was really going on within me.
But I'm coming back. I promise.
And with so much more. These past few months have been crazy and exciting and overwhelming and eye-opening and a little bit of everything else. And on top of it, due to a gift that I am still so in awe of, I can't think about it without getting misty-eyed, I also was given a new camera. (That story will be coming soon. I cry everytime I think about it...) My lens comes Tuesday and I don't know if I could be more excited. (And sad because that seems so far away)
So, I'll be capturing a lot more of the lovely people in my life and hoping to meet a lot more along the way. No more dropping off the face of the earth this time.
For any of you reading, I do hope this post finds you having a rock awesome day.
So much has been going on I haven't felt like I've had words to put around it. And due to my perfectionist tendencies, I haven't posted anything because it couldn't describe what was really going on within me.
But I'm coming back. I promise.
And with so much more. These past few months have been crazy and exciting and overwhelming and eye-opening and a little bit of everything else. And on top of it, due to a gift that I am still so in awe of, I can't think about it without getting misty-eyed, I also was given a new camera. (That story will be coming soon. I cry everytime I think about it...) My lens comes Tuesday and I don't know if I could be more excited. (And sad because that seems so far away)
So, I'll be capturing a lot more of the lovely people in my life and hoping to meet a lot more along the way. No more dropping off the face of the earth this time.
For any of you reading, I do hope this post finds you having a rock awesome day.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sarah and Noah
Einstein's bagels complete with shmear. Mocha lights with caramel drizzle hand-crafted by green-aproned baristas. But the common denominator every time? Comfy, oftentimes cushy chairs. Because when I hung out with Sarah, I wanted to take it all in and I never wanted to miss a thing.
I first met Sarah when she was in 8th grade. And she's one of those precious, sometimes reserved, thoughtful, hilarious, deep, cares about others with everything that's in her kind of people. She oozes sweetness and hilarity on a regular basis. And over the following years I had my life sprinkled with Einstein's and Starbucks dates where I got the extreme privilege of listening to her process life around her. And I loved it.
Even though we'd like to press pause, life keeps going. And she graduated. And we changed churches. But one night I checked my facebook and saw in my inbox a little message from my sweet Sarah. I opened it up and instantly knew it was one of the bravest emails I'd ever read. Though the email was beautiful and risky, there were two words that would go on to dramatically change her life: "I'm pregnant."
I read those words and I just desperately wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her in one of the biggest bear hugs of her life. I couldn't imagine what she was going through. I mean, I was TERRIFIED when I found out I was pregnant with Hannah, but I was married and a little older. But my precious Sarah, was dealing with this alone. And in the context of church - and if we Christians can be honest for a minute - I think we can admit that we don't have the best track record with handling this kind of situation. I just wanted to hold her for a minute and let her know we'd be here. We'd walk through this with her. Heck - if she needed a place to live even - we're here.
Turns out, a lot of people made me really proud to be a Christian. Sarah decided she really wanted to keep this precious baby, even though she knew a lot of thing were going to change. And some of the ladies at our former church put together one of the BEST baby showers I've seen. People bent over backwards to make sure this baby was welcomed into this world with everything he needed. And there was no guilt and no shame - at this moment, there was only support and encouragement. (And birthing stories...)
A few months later, Noah entered the world. A day after he was born I held him in my arms. (with a little Jayden brewing in my belly...) He was perfect and all kinds of precious. I looked at my precious Sarah - sure she had messed up, but because of how she wrestled through it all with God, she could see the extreme miracle she held in her arms.
How she did motherhood at 19 is amazing to me. I know it's been hard, and beautiful. And probably everything else in between. And as a matter of fact, you can read her thoughts and processings here... www.hurricanesarah89.blogspot.com It's almost as good as in person with a cup of coffee or a bagel.
Today I want to share some pictures of that beautiful boy that Sarah let me take! I think you'll be as smitten as I was. And as blessed. He loves his mommy and she loves him. And it's awe-inspiring. And please join me in saying happy birthday to Sarah today. Sarah, you are a precious lady and I am so glad that you AND Noah were born. I'm so proud of you.
There's so many others to choose from, but there's a start!
I first met Sarah when she was in 8th grade. And she's one of those precious, sometimes reserved, thoughtful, hilarious, deep, cares about others with everything that's in her kind of people. She oozes sweetness and hilarity on a regular basis. And over the following years I had my life sprinkled with Einstein's and Starbucks dates where I got the extreme privilege of listening to her process life around her. And I loved it.
Even though we'd like to press pause, life keeps going. And she graduated. And we changed churches. But one night I checked my facebook and saw in my inbox a little message from my sweet Sarah. I opened it up and instantly knew it was one of the bravest emails I'd ever read. Though the email was beautiful and risky, there were two words that would go on to dramatically change her life: "I'm pregnant."
I read those words and I just desperately wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her in one of the biggest bear hugs of her life. I couldn't imagine what she was going through. I mean, I was TERRIFIED when I found out I was pregnant with Hannah, but I was married and a little older. But my precious Sarah, was dealing with this alone. And in the context of church - and if we Christians can be honest for a minute - I think we can admit that we don't have the best track record with handling this kind of situation. I just wanted to hold her for a minute and let her know we'd be here. We'd walk through this with her. Heck - if she needed a place to live even - we're here.
Turns out, a lot of people made me really proud to be a Christian. Sarah decided she really wanted to keep this precious baby, even though she knew a lot of thing were going to change. And some of the ladies at our former church put together one of the BEST baby showers I've seen. People bent over backwards to make sure this baby was welcomed into this world with everything he needed. And there was no guilt and no shame - at this moment, there was only support and encouragement. (And birthing stories...)
A few months later, Noah entered the world. A day after he was born I held him in my arms. (with a little Jayden brewing in my belly...) He was perfect and all kinds of precious. I looked at my precious Sarah - sure she had messed up, but because of how she wrestled through it all with God, she could see the extreme miracle she held in her arms.
How she did motherhood at 19 is amazing to me. I know it's been hard, and beautiful. And probably everything else in between. And as a matter of fact, you can read her thoughts and processings here... www.hurricanesarah89.blogspot.com It's almost as good as in person with a cup of coffee or a bagel.
Today I want to share some pictures of that beautiful boy that Sarah let me take! I think you'll be as smitten as I was. And as blessed. He loves his mommy and she loves him. And it's awe-inspiring. And please join me in saying happy birthday to Sarah today. Sarah, you are a precious lady and I am so glad that you AND Noah were born. I'm so proud of you.
There's so many others to choose from, but there's a start!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My current emotional roller-coaster
Seconds seems like hours. Minutes pass like days. When someone who is so much a part of yourself is hurting, time goes so slowly. My heart aches. Prayers sometimes seem to be the most powerful thing in the world and in the next moment, I feel like they bounce back into my face like a really bad version of Pong. My soul can’t rest. I’ve tried distracting myself. I’ve tried checking my email approximately 72 times in a period of 5 minutes wondering if maybe I’ll get one that makes a difference. Maybe they’ll be okay. Maybe it will be better. Maybe God will have shown up in their lives and they’ll sit there elated with the fact that He loves them so much that He did… But alas, that email hasn’t come. Not even an email with a dancing hamster that could occupy my mind for a good 2 minutes and 43 seconds.
But this is life. I cannot make up anyone else’s mind. And as much as I have exploding volcanoes implanted within me of realizing how much He adores them and could change their life, I can’t choose for them. And in this moment, with no feedback and no indication and a whole bunch of no information, I have no idea if God is doing anything. It hurts. I want desperately to control this situation. And I swear to you my motives are good. Really good. Like coming from “Jesus changed life in this ridiculously awesome way” good. Like “I just found the fact that I don’t have to be a product of my past and I desperately want that for this person” good. Like “I am still messed up, but I don’t live in the constant hell-hole trap of constantly wondering if I’m good enough and trying to be funny yet not succeeding, trying to find meaning in the empty yet never enough approval of others, I’m free now” good. And I could keep going.
But this one’s out of my hands. This is between them and Him. And I hate it.
I totally wish that clever, here’s the perfect thing to say that changes everything and leads to tears and hand holding and kumbayah-ish feelings marinating in the glow of a campfire (and possibly s’mores) would come. But it hasn’t. There’s no script for this. This isn’t up to me.
And you know what? I’m scared. Really brutally scared. Scared He won’t show up. Like I literally want to do God’s job for Him right now because I think I could do it better-scared. And I’m thinking that’s got to be pretty warped. I’m thinking He knows them better than I know them. I’m thinking He had a pretty large-esque role in the formation of their toes and nose and eyebrows. I’m thinking there hasn’t been a moment that He hasn’t been there, watching them, (kind of like how I watch my kids and can’t speak because I’m so in love with them and a mere word would ruin the joy of watching them in all their beauty) loving them, waiting for them. And I’ve only been in the equation for a few years. I’m thinking He loves them more than I do, even though parts of me would want to wrestle for it. (have a feeling I know who would win. I’m just sayin’) And I’m thinking He’s faithful. I mean – I’m not gonna lie – I don’t always get what He’s doing, I sometimes take issue with what life seems to throw in my face or that of my friends, BUT if I look at the WHOLE of life, I see a whole lot of faithfulness going on. And He did say so Himself. A few times. I’m thinking He’s trustworthy.
So I’m still scared. But I’m starting to realize I probably shouldn’t be. And no matter what this friend comes out deciding or not deciding, I’m still gonna love them. There’s no way I can change that. And I’m betting God will still keep waiting for them, no matter what. And that comforts me. After all, He waited on me.
But this is life. I cannot make up anyone else’s mind. And as much as I have exploding volcanoes implanted within me of realizing how much He adores them and could change their life, I can’t choose for them. And in this moment, with no feedback and no indication and a whole bunch of no information, I have no idea if God is doing anything. It hurts. I want desperately to control this situation. And I swear to you my motives are good. Really good. Like coming from “Jesus changed life in this ridiculously awesome way” good. Like “I just found the fact that I don’t have to be a product of my past and I desperately want that for this person” good. Like “I am still messed up, but I don’t live in the constant hell-hole trap of constantly wondering if I’m good enough and trying to be funny yet not succeeding, trying to find meaning in the empty yet never enough approval of others, I’m free now” good. And I could keep going.
But this one’s out of my hands. This is between them and Him. And I hate it.
I totally wish that clever, here’s the perfect thing to say that changes everything and leads to tears and hand holding and kumbayah-ish feelings marinating in the glow of a campfire (and possibly s’mores) would come. But it hasn’t. There’s no script for this. This isn’t up to me.
And you know what? I’m scared. Really brutally scared. Scared He won’t show up. Like I literally want to do God’s job for Him right now because I think I could do it better-scared. And I’m thinking that’s got to be pretty warped. I’m thinking He knows them better than I know them. I’m thinking He had a pretty large-esque role in the formation of their toes and nose and eyebrows. I’m thinking there hasn’t been a moment that He hasn’t been there, watching them, (kind of like how I watch my kids and can’t speak because I’m so in love with them and a mere word would ruin the joy of watching them in all their beauty) loving them, waiting for them. And I’ve only been in the equation for a few years. I’m thinking He loves them more than I do, even though parts of me would want to wrestle for it. (have a feeling I know who would win. I’m just sayin’) And I’m thinking He’s faithful. I mean – I’m not gonna lie – I don’t always get what He’s doing, I sometimes take issue with what life seems to throw in my face or that of my friends, BUT if I look at the WHOLE of life, I see a whole lot of faithfulness going on. And He did say so Himself. A few times. I’m thinking He’s trustworthy.
So I’m still scared. But I’m starting to realize I probably shouldn’t be. And no matter what this friend comes out deciding or not deciding, I’m still gonna love them. There’s no way I can change that. And I’m betting God will still keep waiting for them, no matter what. And that comforts me. After all, He waited on me.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Katie and family
I knew he made her swoon. Yes, full-on legitimate, I really can use that word - swoon. She was smitten - from the way he loved God to the way he loved his kids. And I got to watch as the tall coffee had to switch to a venti because of great late night phone conversations. He loved her. But how could you not love Katie? The fiery red-headed, hilarious, bend-over-backwards to help someone, single-handedly outfitted my first child, hardworking, GORGEOUS, dedicated, Jesus-loving, rock awesome colorist/stylist... To know her IS to love her. Watching God bring them and their amazing kids together was so beautiful. And a few months after they were married - a little Addison was on her way.
How do you describe this family? Hilarious, exciting, loving, crazy awesome and the like.
Thank you so much for letting me use you as models! Michael, I love the way you love your kids and our beautiful Katie. Grace, thanks for all the ideas as we took pictures! Caleb - I'm now going to have to research the Nintendo DSi thanks to you. Alexis - I loved the chance to hang out with you. Addison - I've got a potential boyfriend for you down the road because girl, you are all things sweet and cute. And Katie - thanks for letting me join your family. And for making work even better over the past 4 years as you've followed God and shared your life (and your sweet hair-cutting skills) with me. You rock.
And Katie - these aren't necessarily the best photos - but these were the ones that I picked while eating dinner and feeding Jayden his food at the same time. (Definitely now have chicken noodle mush on my floor) So, I'll try to post more later, but at least this is a taste!
And the rest of the world - this family rocked this photoshoot. When we got to our location we were informed they were closing in 30 minutes. We got out and rocked out some fast and furious photos, so be impressed that they made this happen. they're incredible.
How do you describe this family? Hilarious, exciting, loving, crazy awesome and the like.
Thank you so much for letting me use you as models! Michael, I love the way you love your kids and our beautiful Katie. Grace, thanks for all the ideas as we took pictures! Caleb - I'm now going to have to research the Nintendo DSi thanks to you. Alexis - I loved the chance to hang out with you. Addison - I've got a potential boyfriend for you down the road because girl, you are all things sweet and cute. And Katie - thanks for letting me join your family. And for making work even better over the past 4 years as you've followed God and shared your life (and your sweet hair-cutting skills) with me. You rock.
And Katie - these aren't necessarily the best photos - but these were the ones that I picked while eating dinner and feeding Jayden his food at the same time. (Definitely now have chicken noodle mush on my floor) So, I'll try to post more later, but at least this is a taste!
And the rest of the world - this family rocked this photoshoot. When we got to our location we were informed they were closing in 30 minutes. We got out and rocked out some fast and furious photos, so be impressed that they made this happen. they're incredible.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Chad and Kristen
There are times in our lives where words epically fail us. There's no possible way that a few letters strung together can capture with accuracy the awe, wonder and excitement that is bouncing off the walls of your heart. And that's where I'm at in this moment. A few weeks ago I got news that made me bust out in the happy dance, complete with arms flailing, high-pitched squeals and the like. I found out that my brother-in-law, Chad and his AMAZING girlfriend Kristen were engaged. You may not be able to fully comprehend how great this is. I tear up just thinking about the how wonderful it is that this lady who is such an overwhelming heap of loveliness in our lives is now OFFICIALLY going to be my sister-in-law. That's like Baskin Robbins without calories good. I'm so ridiculously thrilled I could pee my pants. For the time being, we'll just let Jayden do that.
I asked them if they wouldn't mind being models for me as I learn to work with adults who can sit still as opposed to the constantly moving children I chase on a daily basis. For some reason, they graciously agreed. These pictures don't do that beauty of their relationship justice, but it's a start. And there's so many more. I didn't even get all of my favorites... But here's a few.
Thank you Chad and Kristen for being a part of our lives. You guys ooze amazingness.
And just to let anyone else know - I have the BEST sister-in-laws EVER. Hands down. I'm a lucky lady. The men in my life married soooooooo well
I asked them if they wouldn't mind being models for me as I learn to work with adults who can sit still as opposed to the constantly moving children I chase on a daily basis. For some reason, they graciously agreed. These pictures don't do that beauty of their relationship justice, but it's a start. And there's so many more. I didn't even get all of my favorites... But here's a few.
Thank you Chad and Kristen for being a part of our lives. You guys ooze amazingness.
And just to let anyone else know - I have the BEST sister-in-laws EVER. Hands down. I'm a lucky lady. The men in my life married soooooooo well
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The decision
Okay...side note. I wrote this a few weeks ago as I was processing the whole decision to try ADD medication. (Thus the title of my blog...) I've now started and though it's still a struggle, I realize what a great gift it is. So here's my processing moment from a few weeks ago. There's more, but I'll post that later...
Failure. I feel like I’ve hit it.
We’ve decided that it’s time for me to go on medication. (for ADD) Well…I say “we” but really Ted probably decided it was a good idea a long time ago and I am finally yielding to his superior idea. And though I know in my head this has to be a good idea, my heart is a broken mess of feeling failure, inadequacy, and a whole lot of sadness that I just wasn’t able to live life on my own.
I’m not enough.
But the truth is, I’m tired of this lifestyle. I’m tired of too many ideas becoming like a bouncy ball bonanza in my head. (And yes there is a website with that as a title – google it…) I’m tired of being so overwhelmed by the ridiculously amazing list of things I want to accomplish and sitting there unable to do anything until we’re within hours of the deadline. I’m tired of my inability to respond to email. I’m tired of finding thank you and thinking about you notes from years ago that I just never mailed. (Still have some from my wedding, so if you didn’t get one…I probably have it and I am far too ashamed to send it.) I’m tired of the constant feeling that if I could just sit down and think I could change the world. I’m tired of brilliant ideas that float in and out of my head. I’m tired of having people ask me how my weekend was and the blank stare that habitually overcomes my face because I genuinely cannot remember what I did that weekend. (And that’s without the help of any substances.) I am tired of making my 3 yr. old pray that we can find Mommy’s keys so that we can arrive to our destination a good 20 minutes late. I’m tired of all of my friends realizing that when we set a time to hang out, they can afford to be 5-10 minutes late because there is no way on God’s green earth that I’ll be there on time. I’m tired of the shame that comes when my daughter has to bring me my phone that I lost again and again. I’m tired of taking classes, asking teachers for ridiculously long extensions, sitting blankly in front of a computer screen and then finally (up to a semester or 2 later) turning in the work all to receive what would have been an A.
So I guess it’s time to get help. I guess it’s time to be able to really live my dreams that are vivid and yet uncompleted due to ADD. So here I am, realizing it’s okay. Or maybe not within my soul, but at least in my head. Well, that’s a start, right?
So there's a start. I put it out there. As absolutely terrifying as it was. And so, I'll post a picture. That makes everything better, right?
Failure. I feel like I’ve hit it.
We’ve decided that it’s time for me to go on medication. (for ADD) Well…I say “we” but really Ted probably decided it was a good idea a long time ago and I am finally yielding to his superior idea. And though I know in my head this has to be a good idea, my heart is a broken mess of feeling failure, inadequacy, and a whole lot of sadness that I just wasn’t able to live life on my own.
I’m not enough.
But the truth is, I’m tired of this lifestyle. I’m tired of too many ideas becoming like a bouncy ball bonanza in my head. (And yes there is a website with that as a title – google it…) I’m tired of being so overwhelmed by the ridiculously amazing list of things I want to accomplish and sitting there unable to do anything until we’re within hours of the deadline. I’m tired of my inability to respond to email. I’m tired of finding thank you and thinking about you notes from years ago that I just never mailed. (Still have some from my wedding, so if you didn’t get one…I probably have it and I am far too ashamed to send it.) I’m tired of the constant feeling that if I could just sit down and think I could change the world. I’m tired of brilliant ideas that float in and out of my head. I’m tired of having people ask me how my weekend was and the blank stare that habitually overcomes my face because I genuinely cannot remember what I did that weekend. (And that’s without the help of any substances.) I am tired of making my 3 yr. old pray that we can find Mommy’s keys so that we can arrive to our destination a good 20 minutes late. I’m tired of all of my friends realizing that when we set a time to hang out, they can afford to be 5-10 minutes late because there is no way on God’s green earth that I’ll be there on time. I’m tired of the shame that comes when my daughter has to bring me my phone that I lost again and again. I’m tired of taking classes, asking teachers for ridiculously long extensions, sitting blankly in front of a computer screen and then finally (up to a semester or 2 later) turning in the work all to receive what would have been an A.
So I guess it’s time to get help. I guess it’s time to be able to really live my dreams that are vivid and yet uncompleted due to ADD. So here I am, realizing it’s okay. Or maybe not within my soul, but at least in my head. Well, that’s a start, right?
So there's a start. I put it out there. As absolutely terrifying as it was. And so, I'll post a picture. That makes everything better, right?
Monday, June 29, 2009
I ♥ Faces - Week 25
This is me wishing I had something to offer that could really capture the beauty of the event. Today I don't. But in an effort to throw rocks at my perfectionism, I'm entering a precious moment - even if I didn't necessarily capture it the way I'd want to. Here is a photo from my cousin's wedding. Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe it. To hear their story of how God brought them together, to hear the minister help all of us stop in awe of the beauty of love the way God gives it and to glance over and watch my daughter on the edge of the pew straining to see the bride was fantastic. So here's the grand exit. And congrats to them!
And you should totally check out all the other rock awesome entries at:
And you should totally check out all the other rock awesome entries at:
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